You’ve reached the point in life where mild displays of girth simply won’t cut it anymore.
This is a multi-platform campaign of anti-pencilneck dominance. First, you’ve got the Thick as Frick horsecock keychain. A proud, bulbous badge that rides with you everywhere your keys go…which, if you think about it, is basically everywhere you go. Every time those keys jingle in your hand you’ll be reminded of life’s most sacred truth:
The ultimate joy in life is being THICK AS FRICK. But a true practitioner of TOP CHOOKERY knows that horsecockery cannot remain confined to a pocket. That’s where the stickers enter the equation. These sticky emblems of girth allow you to spread the gospel of anti-pencilneck shittery far and wide. Laptop? Mark it. Water canteen? Mark it. Squat rack? Absolutely mark it—so the masses know something HUMUNGOUS is about to be hoisted. You might even slap one on the toolbox just to warn people that although you’re willing to fix things… your overwhelming girth may cause you to accidentally overpower the problem entirely. And of course, one on the car bumper is mandatory—so every poor pencilneck trapped in traffic behind you has time to reflect on where their life went wrong.
“BUT WHY?!” the trembling pencilnecks ask.
Because each piece in this bundle is a glorious declaration of TOP CHOOKERY, a symbol of those who hoist, heft, and heave HUMUNGOUS loads, and undeniable proof that you are not nor will you EVER become Johnny Pencilneck. So attach the keychain and DEPLOY the stickers.
Spread your bulbous displays of anti-pencilneckery wherever life may take you.
Because the Thick as Frick Bundle isn’t just merchandise…It’s a coordinated campaign of public horsecockery and a permanent reminder that you proudly stand among the girthy few who have pledged allegiance to EXTREME ACTS OF BULBOUSITY!